There's a downside to watching your local teams win two championships in one calendar year. New fans start popping up everywhere, and it's hard to keep them all in line. You spend your entire life trying to be a model fan...waiting for your shot at glory, only to have trendy jerks hopping along to spoil the fun while destroying the integrity that you helped build.

Pittsburgh sports fans like to believe that we're as close to normal as you can get, but we can't deny that there's been a huge number of new fans thanks to the recent championships that don't take their job seriously. We're not New England fans...we have a certain history, which causes a method to our madness. But if these newbies wanna ruin the fun, then we need a Pittsburgh sports pope to sort everything out.

This guy at the most recent Pens game had the right idea, but I doubt he wants the burden of advising the Pittsburgh sports faithful. And if he isn't up to the task, then he should give me a ring. Dude, I'll totally do it. Plus, I'd get to wear that awesome hat, which cancels out any stress that would come with the job.

Pittsburgh Sports Pope Tecmovius I. Yeah, that works.

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