Let Me Explain…


Awful Announcing‘s Round 2 of The Complete Sports Bloggers Mock Draft Version 1.0 is complete, and the picks are posted. PSaMP used the Steelers’ 2nd round pick on Mason Crosby, kicker from the University of Colorado. This is my reasoning, in its entirety:

I guess I’ll be that guy…

With the 14th pick in the 2nd round, and 46th overall pick, the Pittsburgh Steelers and PSaMP select not to fill the glaring needs at DE, Linebacker, DB, or the cool-name category, but instead draft to fill the need of never, ever seeing the top of a player’s dong again. Taking a page from Dan Shanoff, PSaMP will pass up a need to take the best available player in the draft. Except in this instance, it’s the best available kicker in the draft.

So I bring you, the Steelers’ 2nd rounder, Colorado K Mason Crosby. Before the heckling, here are some reasons:

Jeff Reed connected on only 74% of his fgs last year, and was 8/11 between 35 and 39. Before last year, he only missed 2 fgs from that distance for his career. Plus the whole “taking a picture of the top of your shaft and your exquisite manscaping with your Motorola razor“-thing completely scarred me, and I couldn’t look at Jeff the same way again.

Now on to Crosby. He’s been called the best kicker in the draft since Sebastian Janikowski, only without the distractions. He has his own cartoon-superhero depiction (search “Mason Crosby” on google images), and was an equal to/better than kicker than Mike Nugent, a 1st rounder, in 2005, when the Cleated Crusher was only a sophomore. Crosby also survived playing a non-contact position (punter, kicker, etc.) in the state of Colorado without having his jealous backup stabbing him in the leg. Plus, the name Crosby just seems to fit on a Pittsburgh jersey for some reason. Also, the last three players the Steelers drafted from the state of Colorado, Clark Haggans, Aaron Smith and Joey Porter, have all been solid contributors. I would’ve included the last 5 players from the state, but #4 was some dude named Ryan Olson (?) and #5 was Kordell Stewart.

(This pick was made for the sole reason that kickers should never take pictures of the tops of their poles. I won’t accept it, and this type of behavior is grounds for a 4-6 game suspension from Goodell. The Steelers already got rid of one player that could be punished by the personal conduct policy in the future, so getting rid of Jeff is the next logical step. Anyone want a manscaped kicker for young, unproven DE?)

Oh, and for the ladies… out there, Crosby has an 8 ½ inch hand. He’s more restrained in dropping hints about his crotch size, rather than blatantly displaying it like our good friend Mr. Reed.

You may begin to make fun now…

So there’s my reasoning. The pick was made in good fun, and I can’t thank AA enough for inviting me to draft. If the Steelers actually take Mason Crosby with the 46th overall pick, I might lose my mind. He’s a projected first-day pick, and I do want to see which team actually gambles on him. He could be legit. Just not legit enough for the 46th overall pick…

nicholas

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