Continuing the Debut Monday theme, here is the initial installment of Where’d Yinz Go?, a sarcastic look at the men who once wore a Pittsburgh uniform.
The (tentative) title is Where’d Yinz Go?, per Bryan in the comments section of yesterday’s PSaMP Sneak Peak. None of the emailed suggestions had the Pittsburgh-ese elegant simplicity of Bryan’s choice. Go ahead, kind sir, you can brag all you want.
Who better to mock in the initial installment than Derek Bell, Mr. “Operation Shutdown” himself. Hell, this isn’t the Where Are They Now? segment on the Steelers website which focuses on the positive aspects of past players. This is about the tools and fools who we love to hate.
Bell was paid $4.5 million to not play for the Pirates after his legendary comment. He obviously used all that money on crack (that mug shot kills me) and Hennessy.
Pittsburgh legend Mark Madden put it best when he said that:
Derek Bell becomes the ultimate Pirate: Lives on a boat and steals money.
Unfortunately for Derek, he sucks at boating. If the webshots title for this picture can be trusted (check out the rest of the pics, they are hilarious), then Mr. Bell is going to go through his Henney stash real quick by repeatedly beaching his boat.
So, Derek, Where’d Yinz Go? Apparently to a water party with a bunch of pasty white folks sippin’ on Bud Light while you beach your boat in a crack-induced haze.
I’m glad you were a Pirate.
This column will be irregular at best. I have several former Pittsburgh athletes lined up, but there will be no rhyme or reason to when they are posted. If you have an idea/picture for a future installment of Where’d Yinz Go?, email it to firstname.lastname@example.org.