Georges Laraque Will Murder A Little Jewish Kid

With the NHL free agency period underway, I’ll update you in case something dramatic and life-changing happens to our Penguins.

Until then, let’s laugh at the thought of Georges Laraque striking fear in the hearts of young Jewish boys.Some dude from The Edmonton Journal recaps an eventful bar mitzvah:

Adam Kotlowitz attracted a number of celebrities to his Bar Mitzvah, including NHL hockey players Martin Gelinas, Georges Laraque, Scottie Upshall and Ladislav Smid.

Lucky little bastard. I’m not even Jewish, but I want a bar mitzvah just so Georges Laraque can come to my party. Scottie Upshall can stay home, though. Or, if I invite Scottie Upshall, I’ll invite Tyler Kennedy as well.

As the celebration began, and the DJ began spinning tunes, Adam Kotlowitz was lifted over the crowd’s heads as he sat in a ceremonial chair. Up and down he went, over and over and over. Then it was his brother Jason’s turn. Then his mom’s. Then his dad’s. It helped that two muscular professional athletes — Georges Laraque and Ladislav Smid — were doing much of the heavy lifting. I suspect that at your typical Bar Mitzvah, this chair-hoisting ceremony causes much oy-ing afterwards.

I’d pay good money to watch Georges Laraque “Oy.”

I did some public service at the Bar Mitzvah. I wished soon-to-be free agent Georges Laraque well, but gave him a tip. That if he wants to remain popular in this, his adopted hometown, he could sign anywhere but Calgary. I told him it would be a personal outrage to see him in a Flames uniform.

Re-sign with the Pens, Georges. Last I checked, we weren’t the Calgary Penguins.

Laraque then shifted in his seat, like he was going to stand up. So I ran away.

Self-preservation. Good thinking.

So to sum it all up. Canadian bar mitvahs > Pretty much anything else.

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