The Patriots Are Peyton Manning

Since I’m a Steelers fan, I have no real concern about who wins the Super Bowl. I hate the Patriots, can’t stand both Eli and Philip (QBs drafted before Big Ben who don’t yet have a ring but are constantly put on a pedestal) and have no relation whatsoever to the Pack. Best case scenario in my mind in the Conference Championship games…Pack and Chargers in the Super Bowl, with Green Bay winning it all. It looks like the worst case scenario is playing out, either the Patriots getting ring #4, or Eli stunning the world and causing MSM hacks’ heads to explode.

At this point, it’s nearly inconceivable to believe the Giants will win it all. I mean, they just lost to the Patriots a few weeks back. Which brings me to my point…the Patriots have completely numbed me to the fact that they are probably going to win another championship. At the beginning of the season, this idea made me furious. Now…I’m completely numb to the inevitable.

This whole story seems like it’s played out before. Oh yeah, it’s the same way I reacted to seeing Peyton Manning in every television commercial.

Here are the four steps to complete disregard.


Peyton – Dude, screw Mastercard! Peyton hasn’t even won a ring yet! Why is he in commercials? Marketable my ass. That forehead is ridiculous. Although, “Cut that meat” is kinda laughable.

Patriots – Just because the Patriots acquired Randy Moss, it doesn’t automatically give New England a free pass to the Super Bowl! And 16-0?!?! Psssht. Come on, “experts!” It’s not even May. This conversation is bullshit.


Peyton – Sprint, Sony, ESPN, DirecTV, Gatorade…why is this dude everywhere? I’m sick of seeing his dumb face. Commercial breaks = complete hell. Coupled with “This is our Country,” Peyton is driving me away from the NFL.

Patriots – They cheated! I don’t care if they’re 13-0, any record is tarnished! Why is ESPN running a “Patriots” section on their scrolling bottom line? And CBS is building some shit with Robert Kraft? Alright, conflict of interest. Can Phil Simms please get off Tom Brady’s nuts?


Peyton – Ok, he’s won a ring. I guess he finally has some reason to be featured during every commercial break. And that SNL-spot was kinda funny. As much as I hate this tool, my throwing shit at the TV. is not going to help anything.

Patriots – Alright, they finished undefeated. It’s still not going to mean anything when they lose in the playoffs. Can you say bittersweet when they’re watching the Super Bowl from a couch somewhere? They can’t seriously run the table. Especially in the AFC. Have fun losing.

4. NUMB.

Peyton – [Commercial break comes on, Peyton is on the screen] TV have pretty colors.

/drool drips from side of mouth.

Patriots – [“The Patriots have won the AFC Championship!”] Me like Eli.

/drool drips from side of mouth.