Monday Morning Chrysler New Yorker

Not sure what sexy female skunk has to do with anything, but this was the first image that came up when I Googled “stinker.” Because that’s what we saw yesterday, from the bizarre playcalling, to the poor job by the O-Line, to Ben’s inefficiency and the inability to get significant pressure on Carson Palmer.

18-12 Bengals.

I’m knocking this out quick, as it’s being written immediately after the game and I’m far too frustrated to go into it any further.

Ben. You’re fat and you made a total of like 1 actual throw in the game. You’re like 8 feet tall but couldn’t get the ball over the defensive linemens’ hands. And if you did, you woefully overthrew your targets. You need to scan the field quicker, and move safeties away. You didn’t yesterday. 2 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

Arians. Why does the #1 RB get 13 carries? I know we were going up against the #2 rush defense in the league, but did the pass really do anything for you? It’s 3rd and 2…why not bomb it downfield? 1 of 5 motorcycle helmets.

O-Line. You deserve just as much blame as Ben and Arians. You made a dude whose last name sounded like Shananay look like a beast. Get better. 1.5 of 5 helmets.

Jeff Reed. Don’t know what to think about you. You make your FGs, but don’t even try to tackle the return man on the only TD of the game. Witholding a rating here, because I wouldn’t feel confident either way.

Terrible. The whole way through. We haven’t even played the Ravens yet, but we’ve already been swept by the Bengals. Time to focus on the remaining schedule, and do whatever it takes to make the playoffs.


FYI, all of that was written immediately after the game, when I was still chapped about the loss. I get pretty ticked after Steelers losses, so sorry if it sucks. I was in a bad mood right after, so I needed something to brighten my day.I hiked over to Youtube and started checking out videos of animals getting shocked by electric fences. Trust me, you’ll forget all about that Steelers nonsense.

About tecmo