In Which PSAMP Moves Past The Adam LaRoche Trade

My friend Texy of the great blog Center Field asked me to share some thoughts on Adam LaRoche being traded from my Pirates to her Red Sox. You’ll remember that last year, at just about this time of the season, I did the exact same thing with Jason Bay (my link, her link).

So history repeats itself, and PSAMP waves goodbye to another supposed slugger while they make their way to the greener pastures of Boston (or maybe not). My words are below. Well, they’re also in this paragraph and the one above as well, but I’m speaking of my words for Center Field. Actually…this entire blog is filled with my words an…forget it…I’m just opening up a black hole that I can’t fully comprehend. Just read my post.

This is the plight of the Pirates fan.

/trade deadline approaches
//pirates trade off one of their biggest names
///to the red sox
“Texy: Hey, we just took one of your players again. Mind writing something about him?
Tec: grumble grumble No problem grumble grumble”
/and…scene

This is two years in a row that my beloved Buccos have shipped out an underperforming supposed-stud to the Red Sox. And given the precedent set by Jason Bay, LaRoche will probably be money in Boston.

Really there’s not much to recount about Adam’s time in the ‘Burgh. He wasn’t Jason Bay…he was a guy who came to the city, existed for a bit, and left. My only lasting memory, or only piece of info I can pass along to you Center Field readers, would be that the guy is a notoriously slow starter. Did you guys ever hear about that? Apparently, Adam sucks something fierce for the first two months or so. Am I alone in thinking that Adam LaRoche is a notoriously slow starter? Because I could’ve sworn Adam LaRoche started his seasons slow. I could never tell firsthand if Adam LaRoche was a notoriously slow starter, because there was never any media coverage, year after year, about Adam LaRoche annually starting his year off slow. It’s as if Adam LaRoche starting his year off slow inspired every media outlet to mention that Adam LaRoche is a notoriously slow starter.

What’s that you say? You only have him for another 68 games and don’t have to worry about the beginning of his season?

Expect about 60 HRs, then. Jerks.

(Actually, I only agreed to do this so I could MS Paint another nightmare mini horse into a picture of the dude we traded. Here’s a second version, if you’re reminiscing about last year’s, or if you just wanted to see Adam’s mug.)

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