This Cow > Steely McBeam

The Steelers have a weird history when it comes to mascots. Back in the 70s and 80s, fans could get a glimpse of either Stevie Steeler or The Terrible Fan at Three Rivers Stadium. Although one looked like a Cabbage Patch Doll and the other resembled an anthropomorphic nightmare Twinkie, Steelers fans grew attached to these random characters. The same could not be said for what 2007 brought.

Steely McBeam is still pretty controversial. I’ve yet to meet anyone who truly loves the plush steel-worker, aside from some really young kids. And kids are really stupid at that age.

Oh yeah, and there was the Steelers Tin Man from the 1995 Pro Bowl, but talking about him makes me lightheaded and confused.

At best, the lineage of Steelers mascots is disturbing and frightening. We’ve pretty much been exposed to a level of fail in a foam suit that is almost unrivaled. The team stays consistent and wins championships…the same cannot be said for the Black and Gold mascots.

Which is why I’m hoping that the heifer in the above clip becomes our new mascot. Who knew that the whole “foam suit part” is pretty much what ruins the mascot experience. Just slap a Steelers hat on a massive bull and watch him look all awesome. It’s almost as if he’s looking straight at you, daring you to mock his style and team allegiance.

Stick it out until the very end of the clip. Our new mascot has a little gift for the Dallas Cowboys.

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