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Footballhead Steely McBeam Is Too Terrifying

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Ok so we’re gonna piggyback on yesterday’s Steelers morph-bear post for a minute. The company that makes the Popples wannabes also has something called Orbiez, aka:

Toss your favorite team with Orbiez™, the football shaped plush!

Except they should call it “football shaped but also with arms and legs and a face because regular football shapes don’t have those” to be a little more correct. Could you imagine the spirals thrown if regular football shapes included those dangly things? NFL games would be chaos.

Doug M on Twitter yesterday mentioned that this frankenplush looks like the lovechild of Bill Cowher and Hey Arnold and I’m inclined to agree.

There’s even more unanswered questions, like why does the name reference an orb when this is nowhere near perfectly round? Footballs aren’t orbs, they’re ovals at best. Wikipedia refers to it as a prolate spheroid, so these horrifying toys should be called Prolatespheroidiez™ then?

We won’t even get into the 3rd toy offered by this company, hipster Steely:

Here we go.

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